Learning how to breathe

Many of you know how hard and interesting this year has been for me. I have experienced three of life's greatest stressors, all in one year. I still have the days where it is hard for me to get out of bed. I still get the sensation that I can't breathe. But, with each passing day, it gets easier.

Last night, I attended Handel's Messiah at the Houston Symphony, by myself. It was a decision that I made earlier in the week. As I drove towards the symphony, the overwhelming sensation of not being able to breathe came back. I thought to myself, "what am I doing?" and had to call many friends to give me a pep talk.

I reached my destination, got out of my car and walked confidently towards the symphony hall. I picked up my ticket and proceeded to the bar, where I enjoyed a glass of white wine. I looked around and there were so many couples, families, groups, but no one alone. Instead of feeling sadness and anxiety, all of the sudden, the sensation of not being able to breathe went away. I sat between two couples, both of which kept asking me if "someone was going to join me." I confidently said "no."

The performance was wonderful. It had been years since I had been to the symphony. When I say years, I'm pretty sure the last time I heard an orchestra performance was when I was in the orchestra in high school.

The experience was exhilirating and liberating. I've always wanted my life to be perfect. Perfect isn't always extravagant. Last night, I conquered my fears. Last night was my perfect night, and it is all I really ever needed. Most importantly, I learned how to breathe again, by myself.